Learning the faith is in the waiting . . . . . .

In the quiet moments of the day, when I'm alone, I struggle, I worry, I doubt.

It's been a long journey to get here, and now all I can do is wait and pray.

3 failed attempts to file our green card, and God brought across our path lawyers that are hard working, giving and generous. They worked tirelessly to file our application, for no cost, and in May we received notification that we finally had it filed successfully.

In 5 months we should be heading home for my brother's wedding.

When I look at our situation, I know that humanly it is out of control, and not likely. We shouldn't get travel documents for 8 months.

I know that I serve a God that is bigger than waiting times, more in control than immigration, and more faithful than any person. I know that.

However, in those quiet moments, I doubt. I struggle to see how we are going to make it home in time. I lose faith, because I can't see it.

But what is faith - "faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see"

Daily, I have to remind myself that God is for us, and works everything for our good. That my God is the only one capable of ensuring a favourable outcome, in his perfect timing. Just in time.

But I don't see it, I don't have my happy outcome, I don't have my plane ticket and travel documents.

All that's left is faith in the waiting

Quietness and Confidence Forever

We began seeking God maybe a year ago on whether permanent residency was the right next step for us as a couple.

Sensing that this was the right step, we began the process last November. Since then it has been filled with pitfalls and disappointments.

In December we received news that mistakes had been made and our application returned to be corrected and tried again.

January found us in the midst of training conferences and retreats, surrounded by friends that love us and have incredible faith in our God to move mountains.

Remembering the story of the paralytic who was lowered through the roof by his friends, Jesus healed him because of the faith He saw in the friends, I approached a friend who I see to have incredible faith. As mine was wavering I asked her to pray for us. She prayed incredible words over me, specifically I remember her speaking of this being a training time, training in faith. Training in believing that we serve a God who is truly able to do immeasurably more.

Having not spoken very publicly about this issue, only people close to us were aware of what was going on, a man who is quickly becoming a good friend and supporter approached us to share a passage that had been on his heart as he had been praying for us.

My questioning in this process was whether God would want us to be settled. Do we stop following him and truly living for him when we become settled in a place.

I had never shared my concerns. The passage he brought to us was this:

"Justice will dwell in the desert and righteousness live in the fertile field.
The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.
My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest."

Isaiah 32 v 16-18

It spoke right to my heart, as we seek him and seek righteousness, the result will be quietness and a confidence in the God who is always true to his word, always true to his character, always true to us.

We can have peace and secure homes. That must not become our priority, but following God doesn't exempt us from doing so.

I was encouraged to remember that our God often speaks into our very situation at just the right moment, giving us hope and confidence in the one who called us.

Complacently Blessed

This week I had the incredible honour of helping lead a group at Mission San Antonio. It's spring break, students are all out of school. We gathered 140 students from the 4 different campuses of our church to give the little we had to serve our city.

We went to 11 different projects around the city to share the love of Christ and work at making a difference.

The group I was given went to a ministry called Hill Country Daily Bread. A ministry that serves local families by providing boxes of food to those that cannot afford enough food to eat. Churches sign up to pick up the boxes and distribute to families around them.

We spent two days helping around their warehouse, packaging and sorting food, and packing boxes for over 400 families for next week.

It could have been so easy to just see the simple tasks that were given to us, and just get on with it. But I couldn't disconnect from it.

As they were showing us around, there were some truths that they reminded me of, which I keep thinking of. She spoke of the people that come to ask for help, the people they meet with that just can't afford enough food for their children.

She reminded me to think of those I meet everyday, there is no way to know what their situation is, what they go home to, what situations they are battling against. There is no way to know who those people that need the help of the food boxes may be, they could be people I see everyday.

As we are packing boxes, I realise how incredibly blessed I am. There is some bulk food that they have donated that are in really good condition, just like you would pick up at the supermarket. But then there are the donations that are battered, and dented, with labels missing, the boxes that are ripped and taped back together again. All of it put into boxes and given to families that need them.

There is no choice in what they get, they are given a box with food, and there is just gratitude that they have something to eat and feed their kids with for another week.

I go to the supermarket each week and pick what I want to eat. I can choose what I want to eat. I pick the best of what they have. If an apple looks a little bruised, I pick a different one. If a can has a dent, I reach further back for one in pristine condition.

I do this every week without a single thought for anyone else in this world who is not that fortunate. I'd think about it if I didn't have that luxury. But, no, I walk around complacently choosing whatever I want, balancing my meals, getting as much variety as possible.

Maybe I need to look around my everyday little world and notice more.

And ask the question: what can I do to make your day better?

Instead of complacently looking for the best for myself.

For I am God, there is No Other

So I started something new last month. I swallowed my pride and insecurities and did something new, to get out of the bubble that is my life!

I started going to BSF. Bible Study Fellowship. Every Monday about 400 women meet in a church in Boerne, to study together for BSF. They complete questions on a passage the week before, split into small discussion groups to discuss what they have learned, and then hear a teacher speak on the passage.

I hate meeting new people, I especially hate doing new things by myself.

And yet I couldn't understand why I had this nagging feeling that I really needed to go, and be committed.

This year, they are studying Isaiah. Working their way through this incredible book a chapter or two at a time. I have never studied Isaiah before, never really read the book properly (should I really admit that as a youth worker???). It's always been a book that greatly intrigued and interested me, but always intimidated me enough that I stayed away.

Over the past couple of weeks that I have gone, I know why I went.

God had a message to remind me of.

Isaiah is pretty repetitive, at least the chapters they have been studying over the last few times I have been.

But I think I can sum up what I have been learning in a couple of verses.

"for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me,
declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, 'My counsel shall stand,
and I will accomplish all my purpose,'
calling a bird of prey from the east,
the man of my counsel from a far country.
I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it."

Isaiah 46 v 9-11

He is God, there is no other. He has spoken, and He will do it. He has a purpose, and He will see it come to pass.

I follow the only person that will always do what they say they will do.

When God tells me that in every situation He is working for my good, He means it. When He tells me He has a plan and a purpose for my life, He means it.

When He tells me He will be faithful to me, He means it.

Green card, or no green card. He will do what He says He will do.

I needn't worry about what comes next. If it is God's purpose, no lawyer/immigration official/paperwork will stop it.

For He is God, there is no other!

Faith Unseen

faithfulness = trustworthiness or dependability

"Faith is the trustful human response to God's self revelation via His words and His actions."

Holman Bible Dictionary.

2 1/2 years ago, Chris and I stood before our friends and made our vows to each other. The bible verse that ran as the theme through our wedding was this:

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose."

Romans 8 v 28.

It was on our unity candle, it was quoted in our ceremony, we had a song about it, it was inscribed into our wedding bands, we even had it printed on our M&M's!!

This verse reminded us and those who shared in that occasion, that we trusted in those words that God had revealed to us. We trusted that as we had witnessed God working for our good in all that had gone before, that we continue to see him working for our good in all that was to come.

That takes faith.

A trust that the things God had revealed to us through his word and actions would be dependable for the future.

I struggle to see that right now.

We are in one of the most daunting processes of our lives, a process that will determine the next several years of our married life, where we will live, what we will do.

Where we will call home.

We are in the midst of the ups and downs that it brings. I don't see that good that God has promised us.

I'm reminded (quite bizarrely) of a Coldplay song.

"Nobody said it would be easy

No one ever said it would be this hard."

I struggle to see where my God is working in this situation, how He is making it all come back to our good.

But faith is not about what I'm seeing. Faith is not about my feelings. Faith is not about my situation.

"Faith is the trustful human response to God's self revelation via His words and His actions."

I have no choice but to trust. To fully rely on what I have seen to be true of my God. To fully rely on what His word says to me.

That's hard. It's a choice everyday. I choose to allow God to work this for good, no matter what I think that good should look like, trusting that God is sovereign and knows far better than myself!

I choose to have faith.